"But it's what we do with our marriages all the time.To me it's a very simple mathematics equation: the more energy that goes (outside the marriage), the less energy goes into your marriage."Remain optimistic. If both parties are willing to work on their issues, anything is fixable.The experts shared tips for coping with a cyber affair or flirtation, whether you're the culprit or the victim — and obviously, this advice has relevance for anyone dealing with infidelity of any kind: For the victim: Have compassion for yourself, said relationship expert Stacey Martino (loveandpassioncoach.com)."They're going to be in shock and betrayal, and faced with the fear of having their life turned inside out, wondering how they're going to survive without their partner if things don't get resolved."What's needed is a neutral party to explain that this type of relationship is hurtful and harmful."For the cheater: Understand the trauma."Finding out your spouse has cheated is traumatic, and trauma kind of lingers," Rosenberg said.' They might not be able to cross that bridge of forgiveness with you."Forgiveness isn't easy.
She is an author and she'd just been called a pagan and a Wiccan by a reader who didn't find her writings on Christianity to be Christian enough."People underestimate that trauma because no one talks about it. You have to understand what the person went through and give them the opportunity to let it go.So that needs to be addressed, preferably with a therapist." For the victim: Don't hang on to the blame game.Smith in an article for the American Psychological Association, "Are Internet Affairs Different?" The freedom to fantasize, without the intrusion of reality — as well as the anonymity afforded by the Internet — also can be alluring.