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And to be sure: a lot of that effort is unglamorous, even tedious.One of the issues that comes up that a lot of guys don’t think about is what having a relationship is going to mean to their lifestyle.Or at least: that’s what movies and TV have taught them, anyway.You can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a movie about how the right relationship transforms men for the better.If you legitimately want to make lifestyle changes, then you have to be your own motivating force.If you’re going to do things differently, then you need to do it whether you’re single or not.

But even if you find that rare combination of teacher/nurturer who lives for expanding your mind while shrinking your anxieties, there’s the fact that to change. The primary reason why guys don’t do all those things they fantasize their 90s-era Winona Ryder teaching them to do is that, frankly, they don’t really want to do them in the first place.It gives you a life outside of your relationship, which directly contributes to the longevity and satisfaction of your relationship.And just as importantly: it’s a sign of emotional intelligence and stability – things that any potential partner will be looking for.If they did, they’d already be taking steps to get there.Instead, they’ve chosen not to, finding many very good reasons why they couldn’t possibly do it.