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Having grown up in New York, I had taken for granted that people were always striving for something, or at least striving to be striving for something.In Russia, most of the guys I met were engaged in some sort of dubious import/export business in electronics; the rest were involved in “business” (if you ask what kind of business, and there is a marked pause followed by the word “business,” you should refrain from asking any more questions).Petersburg in 1988, moved to New York when I was five, and then moved back into a different crumbling communal building in St.Petersburg after graduating from my overpriced New York liberal arts college.One night, I was lying in my room fantasizing about him (he was sleeping downstairs), when I heard my bedroom door creak.Moving through the darkness, he sat on the edge of my bed and stared at me for a few moments.I had female friends who had no idea they were apparently someone’s girlfriend.The American teachers at my language school had a phrase to describe dating Russian men.

Here was a guy protecting my honor, placing himself into bodily harm on my behalf.It was “No Means Yes, and Yes Means Anal.” Not surprisingly, the attitude toward rape in Russia is still depressingly medieval. That’s life,” my mother would say with a shrug as she heard about a recent rape victim on the news.However -- and here’s where we have to be honest with ourselves and admit that the popularity of bodice-ripper romances and all the statistics about rape fantasies are not for nothing -- When I met one of my Russian boyfriends, he had (as is customary) come by the house several times to take me on long walks and brought cake for me and my parents, never once making anything remotely resembling an advance.While all men like a challenge, the average American man tends to stop pursuit once you indicate that you are repulsed by his presence.Russians, on the other hand, aren’t going to let a little thing like your disinterest keep them from being your boyfriend.