One person takes the risk of disclosing personal information and then 'tests' whether the other reciprocates." Reciprocity is key.
Years ago, fresh out of film school, I landed my first job, at a literary agency.
Our friends are there for us through thick and thin, but rarely cross the line: A friend with too many opinions about our wardrobe, our partner, or our taste in movies and art may not be a friend for long.
When someone embodies the rules—instinctually—their friendships are abundant indeed.
I was eager to tell her my problems, but she wasn't eager to tell me hers.
The necessary reciprocity was missing, so our acquaintanceship never tipped over into friendship.
Yet the process is more complex: Why do we wind up chatting with one person in our yoga class and not another? But there's more: Self-disclosure characterizes the moment when a pair leaves the realm of buddyhood for the rarefied zone of true friendship. " may well be the very words you say to someone who is about to become a friend.
There also were several significant gender differences in approval of norm violations.
As expected, women tended to have relatively high expectations of their friendships in situations involving trust and intimacy, likely resulting from the high value they placed on affiliation and emotional closeness.
She listened politely, but she never divulged anything personal about her own life.
Eventually our lunches petered out to once a month, before she drifted out of my life for good.