Capital dating

I met a woman who said that because of her history of unsatisfying relationships, she was not in the market for a relationship at this time.

I told her that she was advertising for another narcissist.

When potential mates approached her, she would signal her unavailability.

All potential empathic mates would then back off; only a narcissist would persist.

You are better served remembering that bragging to your friends about who you snagged is a very small part of eventual happiness.

You are especially blessed if your partner will help you put on a performance for friends and family, so you can get the person you really want and also get some social status out of deal.

(If you are hyper-aware of your partner’s less-than-movie-star looks when you are around friends, you can mention your partner’s sexual prowess; in a monogamous relationship, no one will ever know if you are telling the truth.) It won’t work, of course, to go on a date in rumpled clothes and confessing all your faults.

The reason it won’t work is because an important asset in social capital is knowing how to behave, so the metamessage will not be that you are communicating your actual social capital; the metamessage will be that you lack social skills.

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The suddenly successful mate might live or vacation separately and promise merely not to enjoy whatever aspects of the newfound status the unsuccessful mate might find most hurtful.Another facet of social capital involves what one’s friends and acquaintances think of the person you choose.A man might genuinely not value looks all that highly, but when his male buddies get their first glimpse of his new paramour, he can find himself looking at his potential mate through their (imagined) eyes.Nowadays, people who no longer match their mates in social capital have to decide if they want to stay together.In the “true love” type of marriage, shared assets can become so integrated as a way of life that a change in social capital can genuinely feel like it is happening to both parties.